Icelandic Swan
Swan Song
They say we are all born to love
That it is all we really want in the end That from the beginning, a mothers embrace is what inspires us
And a fathers protection allows us freedom
And if we have children of our own to look after
We instill the same love we were given so very long ago
But what if we aren’t embraced the way we were supposed to be
What if we have no one to call our own?
Do we know what love is or what it should be if we are never loved?
And what they don’t tell you is the miles you’ll climb to find that love
The heartache you’ll endure, or the heartbreak you’ll bring to many
Only because you are in need of finding love.
Yes they don’t speak of the people who will come and go
Nor do they mention the sacrifices one will make make
They share little to no warning of infidelity and the power it has on a persons rage
And while so many look for love in the wrong places, blaming their misfortune on bad luck or miscommunication
We find in fact that love is not enough
We do not always feel it for every person
And often time takes love away, and what we once thought we wanted becomes something new or different than before
And love can be so destructive when it leaves
When it fools us we become a person we don’t recognize,
We may even wish ill upon those who take the love away
Because its absence leaves us feeling emptier than before
But when we find new love again, oh how we forget we ever lost it
Love is kind and love is true when it is new so we fall over and over again without regret
But what of the tainted ones, the ones who lost their way?
Will they never recover, never trust another soul in fear of losing love again?
Or are they in need of saving?
Do they prefer life alone?
So I ask, are we all truly born to love?
Does it find us all eventually?
But whether love be from a lover or a friend, an animal or a child, or from your family, we always seem to need it to survive.
We always seem to find it somehow somewhere.
I heard its everywhere!
They make it now so easy to find all over the world!
Yet we choose love selectively
But often times, love chooses us
and in that case, we don’t have a say in the matter anyway.
“It all begins with a dress, often made in a strange environment, a place where one can forget the mundane characteristics of being an adult in modern day society.”
Performing “Swan Song” in Oslo, Norway with model, Iris Asmundar
The artist creates her muse, then surrenders to that creation
Without the artist there is no muse, and without the muse there is no artist
Inspiration comes in many forms, I wanted to take time to honor that inspiration
We all have ghosts from our pasts that we bring with us wherever we go
When we collaborate, we become stronger, wiser, more realized
I am grateful to make stories with people that I respect and I am grateful they respect me
There is a beautiful harmony that happens when we allow one another to enter our creative world.
Are we better off allowing ourselves to play make-believe?
“In every life time I search for you
And in every mountain I see your light if you are the sun then I am the moon
If you are the water then I am your wave
The swan in Icelandic waters represents the protection of our love
And I shall only love thee
This you can count on.
Where swans fly and horses roam, wet skies meet your moon kissed skin
That is when I ride your waves, the white splatter never drowns us
I’ll paint your silver hair one day and all your lines that sculpt your past
Can I love you in this nest of mine? Let us make a tapestry to remember
You islander I yearn for your black rock beaches and crimson mountains
Icelandic one, shall I stay a while?
My heart is yours completely
And that is why I know
In every life time, I search for you.”
A view of Iceland’s volcanic rocks
The making of “To Be Loved” 30’’ diameter
Gathering Swan footage
Finding inspiration in the moody nights and windy days of Iceland. Making dresses and paintings and music and more. Running in fields of lupins and running my fingers through black sand. It's a land for sirens, ghosts, spirits and faeries. It's an island you can find yourself in. The volcanic earth holds a sadness but also a euphoric energy that halts the chatter in the human mind. I know I will never be the same after this. I know my art will change. I am on top of the world here, and yet I feel so small. Last night I was naked by the shore of a glacier, shivering for the sake of art when I heard ice falling from the glacier but because the mist was so intense I could not see where it was coming from or how giant it truly was. The hauntingly strange words came to me "And if you were death I'd want you so." My whole life l've been terrified of death and whether or not we have souls that journey on. I've never been convinced or felt the need to believe in something until I experienced deep and intense grief. Perhaps we force ourselves to believe in the afterlife when we lose people or animals that are dear to us. I've felt tremendous loss in the past couple of years and while some of those losses still live in this world, their lack of presence is just as painful as losing the souls that truly have departed. Maybe what makes it so painful is knowing they exist without me, maybe the feeling of not knowing if you'll see them again is more intolerable than death itself. Regardless, you grief and you dream and you feel their presence lurking in parts of the mind. But last night my sadness was met with euphoria at the shore of Hvannadalshnukur. The serene atmosphere, the unforgiving chill, the crisp air and still waters, the turquoise and diamond icicles and the flowers that grow on black stones are a spectacle there. It was like a dream, a heaven, a memory. It was the present and the past and the future all in one. It was silent. It was lifeless yet had so many echos of past souls. I found peace in that, wanting the feeling to linger on and while I knew I couldn't stay, for that brief moment I had no fear of dying.
Swan Song, 48×56’’ oil on panel